Babies for Sale

Why why why do the boys sleep in when daddy is home and wake up at the crack of dawn when I'm by myself? Yesterday Jon took the day off and said he'd get up with the boys and the darn kids slept in until 8:30. This morning... 6:40. Seriously?! Who wakes up at 6:40am?? By 9:00 I was EXHAUSTED. Matthew made a very exciting discovery. (Exciting for him, not for me). They have both been army crawling for about two weeks now, but they have really only scooted around the living room since that is where we hang out and that is where all the toys are. I'm not sure they really even considered going farther than a few feet. But as I'm changing Caleb, I realize that Matthew is gone. The first step to being a great twin mommy is to lose one of your kids, right?! So I leave Caleb in the living room (totally naked of course) to go find my missing Moonpie, thinking that he couldn't have gotten far. Apparently he had made it across the living room, through the dining room, and well into the kitchen, where he discovered the glowing blue nightlight plugged into the wall just above the baseboard. Lovely. So I pick him up and trek downstairs to dig out the outlet plugs. Forgot about Caleb naked in the living room. By the time I got back he had watered the rug. I plopped Matthew back in the living room and diapered my little pee-er. Two minutes later, Matthew has made another break for it and this time he's headed towards the dog food. Now I really don't care if my kids eat dog food (they are Paddocks, they will eat worse!) but Rigby get super nervous with kids by his food. I'm a little nervous about how he will handle the babies by it and today is not the day to find out! I scoop up Houdini and decide that its time to tie them both down and feed them breakfast. However, since getting colds over a week ago, neither of them will eat any solids. I don't even know why I keep trying because it is seriously exhausting and I want to rip all of my hair out at every meal. I put them in their bouncers and strap them down. Now I can't lose one and the dog is happy that his food is safe (at least for the time being). Did we eat any breakfast?! NO! They performed somersaults in their bouncers (please see below) and ate more of the boogers dripping down from their noses than they did their applesauce or oatmeal. I still had to get Matthew's antibiotic in him, which of course didn't go any better than the oatmeal and now his pajamas are covered in pink bubblegum amoxicillian. I'm sure it stains, but I was too worn out to change him and stain stick it, so I sacrificed the pajamas and put them both down for an early nap! I am going to take a shower, and if I don't hear any screaming, I might even take the time to shave my legs for the fourth time since the boys were born. (And yes, they are 8 months old... you do the math!!)